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Conversations with a 19 year old homosexual who wants the spirit to ‘die by fire’.

I was a little scared to ask ** if she was homosexual. I am the least homophobic person in the world but I feel like posing the question, ‘Are you gay?’ is quite rude. But I asked anyway.

‘I am”.

I was honestly unsure of what to say for like bare seconds. Then I asked ‘why?’ and I immediately realized I should not have. I cannot take my words back, can I?

The truth about homosexuality in Nigeria is that, ideally it should not exist. My Nigerian mom would say we took a lot of ideologies from the western world and homosexuality should not have been one of them. Then, she will back it up with some verse in the Bible that says that a man should cling to his wife and not his husband. For the longest of time, I was in support. If I by chance I called you gay, I meant it as an insult. I am sure everyone remembers how in high school, we could call some ‘feminine looking’ guys gay and laugh about it. It was extremely funny to us. hahahaa.

‘He sings soprano, he is so gay’.

‘She really dresses like a stud, obviously a lesbian” hahahahaha

I would not even blame our childish errors. We were brought up in one of the most religious societies ever. More of us are more of religious than actual good people. So, we were brought up to shun the ‘abnormal’. Who decides what is normal anyway?

“I fought being a homosexual. My parents are actually pastors. For their sake, I wish I was not a lesbian. I would make a choice if I could to be straight. When people say stuff like being gay is a choice, I wonder who made the choice for me because I did not make it myself. I am attracted to women. Some people would tell me they find it sexy but that is not what I want to hear. I don’t want people to accept me because they find my sexuality sexy. I want them to accept me because I am what I am” .

I immediately wanted to ask her when she became aware that she was a lesbian. So, I asked. Curiosity.

‘It was not like I just woke up one day and realized ‘Oh shit, I’m into girls’. I really was not into boys like most of my friends. My friends used to say ‘I had not found my ‘spec”. I was attracted to one of my friends and I thought it was weird so I never told her. I just was not attracted to boys like I was to girls’

I should probably have dropped it there but its normal to be curious about things you know nothing about. I have always wondered if people felt morally bankcrupt whilst they’re gay or if they just feel normal. So, I asked if she feels like she is a ‘bad person’.

‘Someone told me once that homosexuality is a spiritual problem. So, I thought my parents are pastors, I am sure we could pray it out. I could not bring myself to tell my parents so I just decided to pray about it. Maybe the spirits would ‘die by fire’. Maybe I did not summon enough fire or maybe the spirits are stronger than me because I am still into girls. I think I have come to accept myself for who I am.

I wanted to ask something cliché like ‘who are you?’ but honestly my brain did not register it. So, I just asked if she ** single lol.

** is single. This is not a link up blog or anything. Its just simple conversations that happen online.

So, I weighed a couple of things and thought I would speak to a homophobic person for my next Conversations.

I don’t know anything about homsexuality and I would not even pretend like i do. Ngl. I just really want a ‘Mind Your Business’ and ‘Be Tolerant’ type of world. I want a ‘Acceptance’ kind of world. But these things do not exist.

Here is where I have a little problem. It is nobody’s business if you hate homosexuality. I honestly do not care about what you hate and what your religion stands for. That is between you and your religion. But when you now walk outside the four corners of your religion and spread hate and make life horrible for other people, that is where the problem is. If you are an actual ardent follower of your religion, then I’m sure it preaches love, tolerance, kindness and not hate and judgement.

Keep your opinions to the confinement of your heart because the only thing that you should basically have control over is yourself.

I also think that words like lesbian, gay and homosexuality breed some form of stigmatization. I fully understand that everything must belong to something. I think that these words make it seem like these people are abnormal or something which they are not. They’re people like everyone else.

My next Conversation would be with a fully blown homophobe. Cannot wait to dive into his head.

Would love to see your comments.

Love and light,

Oluwayemisi