Frank Ocean- Self Control
I really have to find a way to put out an apology for not ending this series earlier. Its hard for me not to make excuses and just say, woaw, I was utterly at fault. I spent the last couple months sorting through some deep rooted shit. I did not figure half of it out but I made some form of progress and I am pretty happy.
The relationship series has brought about some form of growth for me and I am really happy that a couple of people read my shit too. I am writing the last episode on relationships and I hope these final tips help everyone as much as they have helped me. It might help to read the previous episodes all over again.
- aye dun bi isale jollof
Fourteen years ago today, I packed a small bag and made the most dramatic decision of my nine-year-old life: I was going to run away. The plan was clear. Precise. Detailed. Naivety-fuelled, but strong. I had watched enough African Magic and read enough books to know that every… Read more: aye dun bi isale jollof - for colored yems.
Yellow Happiness is golden, light spilling through curtains on a slow morning. It is being understood by Tise. It is the laughter shared over drinks, the way she took my hand and, without words, reminded me that I am seen. That I am loved. That my life, even… Read more: for colored yems.
I have had a lot of time to think things over. I went over a couple of exercises I want to share and probably hope they work for you as they did for me.
THE QUESTION TAG? I realized that to evaluate a couple of relationships I had been in with both friends and ‘others’, I had to ask myself a couple of questions. At first, it was pretty hard to answer the questions as truthfully as possible but then I did what I had to do in time.
AM I WRONG? I had a conversation with a really close friend of mine recently and I dropped everything that had gone wrong with me on her. I had hoped that she would give me some form of validation that I was not crazy and I was never at fault. After over an hour of ranting, she just said ‘Why is it always you that all these people have issues with?’. I was pissed to say the least. I kept thinking that it was so unfair that she would even say that all the relationship problems I had ever had always began with me.
Take some blame– Yemisi,2020.lol.
Somehow, I watched For Colored Girls and watched Gilda tell Crystal that if she took some form of blame for everything that had gone wrong in her life, everything would suddenly begin to add up. Crazy right? So, I re-examined myself and immediately started to see my faults. It would totally help you if you could take some part of the errors as yours. This is not to say that you take the other person’s wrong and make it yours, no! Its more like ‘I could have communicated better’ or ‘I should not have ignored these bad signals’. I hope you get what I am trying to say honestly. You would feel a little better because then things would make more sense to you.
IS HEALING A THING? I don’t even want to imagine how may times I’ve heard people say you will heal from it with time. In my head, every single time, I’m thinking, please shut up. I don’t think anyone ever heals from anything. I think we just learn lessons and move on or something. Think back to your first relationship that went sour. If anyone asks you about it right now, you would immediately think about how it went sour but then again you would think about the lessons you learned from it. It isn’t that you aren’t still a little hurt, its just that you begin to think about it as an ‘If I had known’ type shit. I don’t know what healing is but I consider everything as a lesson. So, I learned that if you are waiting to ‘heal’, you will wait forever.
WHAT NEXT? Crazzzzzzyyyy question that has always irritated me for the most part of living. Its almost like you just arrived at the end of something and someone is already asking you when you are taking off. I read a couple of things that were all like take some time off , focus on yourself and your goals, all those motivational things
Scam Scam Scam. I tried the whole positivity thingy and it did not work for me. I could not just be positive because I did not have any reasons to be ffs. So here is what next for me. I decided that I was going to do absolutely nothing ‘normal’. I stalked and cried and whined and irritated everyone the shit out because those things made me a little happy. Not saying you should now go and annoy everyone. I’m just saying that sometimes the things that would make you happy may not be healthy. I don’t know how to explain this. I am just saying do whatever makes you happy. Don’t pay attention to those rules because some things may or may not work for you. DO YOU BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO AND THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MIGHT GIVE YOU SOME SUMMARIZED FORM OF SANITY.
BUILDING BROKEN BRIDGES: Shoutout to everyone out there who is selfless enough to build all broken bridges. I’m not that person. I did participate in the ‘WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID’ exercise. Its so funny how I’m making it sound like an actual thing. Its a thing I came up with. Its quite simple and it helped me a lot. Basically, you type a summarized version or maybe not summarized of what you would have told the other person. I wrote 6 notes totally. I wrote and wrote and somehow the bitterness evaporated. I honestly wish that someday I would summon courage to finally send these notes out to the individuals. I don’t have the courage yet but I would leave an example under this paragraph. Maybe because writing is an escape for me, it made a lot of sense to write. So say everything you would have said to the person. Every single thing! You may decide to send it (brace up for whatever comes if you send it) or not. It gave me some form of closure. Hope it works for you too.
I hope things begin to make some sort of sense to you and you actually find happiness.
Everyone deserves to be happy( except for rapists, homophobes and murderers). Pretty sure you don’t fall into any of these categories, right? If you do, and you are unrepentantly bold about it, you do not deserve happiness! And stop reading my blog because I am coming for you soon.
Thank you for reading this series. I really hope that the relationship series made a difference in someone’s life out there. I enjoyed writing it mostly even though I was terribly inconsistent.
I have a whole lot of other stuff coming up and I hope that I deliver it in the right way possible.
Stay safe. Stay healthy. Share and Comment.
Love,
Oluwayemisi
YOU ARE! 
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